Day after day, time after time, I can beat myself up so bad about a situation and it takes me a while to get over it. I mean we are talking about a Muhammed Ali and Mike Tyson type boxing fight. I sing and if I hear something that doesn't sit with me well, I go at it. I don't care how many people give me a compliment about it. My job duties. If my boss comes and bring me something back and say that's not right, I'm like do you not get it. Education. I have an Associates Degree but not a Bachelors Degree and I think this one is the worst. Oh and let's not forget about the most important one, MY WEIGHT! I mean I have been complimented on my size because I wear clothes and carry myself as if it was not an issue but believe me it is. I have done the losing weight and exercising to get the compliments but guess what, it came RIGHT back on me.
I write in my journal A LOT to get some of my anger out of me about a situation. I think it's more so of when I get it out of my system, I'm good to go. But honestly, if someone questions my ability for something, IT POPS RIGHT BACK UP in my head. It's like damn, why are you back?
I love music. Sometimes I listen to music to get over. I read the Bible. I will highlight several scripture passages and write them in my faith journal and go deeper in them reading different versions of it and some kind of way, I will fall back into that beat up feeling. I go on walks to clear my head. Really it just opens up my head for more ideas and projects to work on. So I'm not sure about that one...lol!
Another thing I deal with, I allow trials and tribulations to take over my mind and get me away from being focused on the things I love doing. Why? Good question. When you find the answer, let me know. And, depending on what it is, it would go on and on for months. Then it will be hard to jump back into the game. Bouncing back is not as easy as some say that it is. It depends on the individual and the situation. Don't look down on someone because they handle matters differently than you.
I know I am NOT the only one that experience this in life! I don't know why I beat myself up so much about things but I do. Somethings I don't have control of and I understand that. But, the ones that I do have control of I'm like what the hell was I thinking. Some would say that I am a perfectionist. I don't think I am. Some say that I over think things. Now that might be true...lol
It has got to be a better way. I have got to stop doing this.
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